the blog for those of us that were born in the 80s, grew up in the 90s, and generally hate the 2000s
Our Apologies to Jesse James.
Mar 24th
Ya know…both of us have said some pretty harsh things about Jesse James in the last few days. But TMZ is reporting something that makes me feel really bad about our bashing…
Apparently this comes from a former high ranking employee of West Coast Choppers or whatever the hell that company is called.
The woman claimed between 2006 – 2007, Jesse James repeatedly made sexual advances, which allegedly included sexual acts.
The woman kept several suggestive emails from Jesse. In one email in 2007, which is included in the file, Jesse wrote to the woman, “Need anything before I split?” She responded, “Some Tums.” Jesse replied, “I have some special fluid that you can drink and it makes it all better ….”
And, she claims after an oral encounter with Jesse, she kept a telltale Clintonesque T-shirt.
yes, you read that right: “I have some special fluid that you can drink and it makes it all better ….”
with that…We formally apologize. Nobody with lines that smooth should ever be bashed for any reason. ever.
Our Profound Apologies.
nobody likes Tim Tebow. nobody.
Mar 24th
A wonderful story coming out of the NFL Combine. For the full article, click here. But I’m going to give you all that matters so feel free to not click that link and stay here on the much cooler Lopez and Sheets dot com.
At the Scouting Combine, the Wonderlic exam is administered to players in groups. The 12-minute test is preceded by some brief instructions and comments from the person administering the test.
Per a league source, after the person administering the test to Tebow’s group had finished, Tebow made a request that the players bow their heads in prayer before taking the 50-question exam.
Said one of the other players in response: “Shut the f–k up.” Others players in the room then laughed.
I’m going to guess that ESPN isn’t going to report this story. Unless they report it as one of the many challenges that the mighty Tebow is going to face in the No Fun League.
awww.
Oh, and this message was brought to you by a Miami Hurricanes fan.
It's All About The U
guns. razors. knives.
Mar 23rd
this post is only going to contain a picture. and most of you probably won’t understand what i’m trying to get across here.
guns. razors. knives.
that is all.
eh…i’ll throw you a bone. pre-order it. i just have a hunch.
This just in… Pretty sure your dad could bang Britney…
Mar 22nd
Looks like her name could be Diane from Bacon County, GA in this photo.
I was perusing the lovely web and our good buddies over at WWTDD have a gallery of an awful looking Britney Spears leaving a gas station with Fanta Orange (classy) and Coffee (gassy) looking like a patron of Mell’s Lounge. She really looks like anyone’s cousin’s cousin if you live below the Mason-Dixon Line. I was just daydreaming about a hot Britney the other day and I’m glad that there are galleries like this one to keep my reality in check.
Click here for the gallery and make sure you take note of the “I gots no idea why I can’t get outta this trailer park and stop havin’ kids” body she has. What was once perky and fun, is now saggy and smelly (most likely).
If you’re gonna cheat, do it with a nazi drug addict.
Mar 21st
The "W" and "P" stand for exactly what you think.
So it’s fantastic to note that not only did Jesse James cheat on Sandra Bullock with a beast of a woman, she also likes the drugs and Hitler. TMZ posted here recently a couple of pictures of Michelle “Bombshell” McGee in Nazi regalia (Note the “Oh, Heil No” caption). I have two things to note: One, I’m very tickled that her last name is McGee, because it fits her white trash persona. And two, I love the fact that stupid Jesse James went as polar opposite of Sandra Bullock as he possibly could. Here’s the photo shoot if you’re interested, and who wouldn’t be?
I think Mr. James is starting a new trend in Hollywood along with Tiger Woods. It’s no longer good enough to cheat on your wives with normal (I use that loosely) women. You need to kick it up a notch. Perkins waitress, YES! Tattooed-Nazi-Drug Addict, YES! You’ll start seeing more messes make their way onto the Hollywood mistress scene as the men of Hollywood try to up the ante. We’re entering the “My Disaster Is Bigger Than Yours” era in Hollywood. I can feel it.
When reached for comment, Aldo Apache said he'd hit it.
March 19th was really boring.
Mar 19th
maybe it was just me.
i mean… we had a few things, i guess? the poor man’s (or rich man’s at this point) Jessica Simpson, Katherine Heigl had some wardrobe issues at some awards thing that i’ve never heard of before. while accepting an award (i can only assume it was for annoying pain in the ass of the year) one of her dress straps broke or something and she had to hold on to her breast/dress. she’s even annoying when something that should be cool, like this, happens.
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one of the ladies who had intimate contact with Tiger Woods’ seed, Joslyn James, launched a website containing all of the text messages that he sent her. i will admit…they’re pretty graphic. if you’d like to check those out then feel free here. just a heads-up, i haven’t managed to get the site to load yet so just click that link assuming it’s NSFW.
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apparently Sandra Bullock moved out of the house she shares with Jesse James a few days ago. probably a good decision. and then yesterday the news “broke” that he was ridiculously sorry and still wearing his wedding ring. reader/listener(?) Scott Taylor commented on facebook and was right when saying that not only is he an idiot for cheating but she’s an idiot too for trusting him. i’m going to include a picture of Jesse James looking like a complete douchebag…which surprisingly isn’t difficult to find.
oh…and that Michelle Bombshell chick is apparently all about some White Power. so she has that going for her.
jesse james is an idiot. or mentally handicapped. or both.
Mar 18th
not that i’m saying Sandra Bullock is ultra hot or does so many rad things that you just want to be around her…but she’s an attractive lady and loaded. oh so loaded.
either way, apparently being attractive and loaded wasn’t enough for the coolest dude ever, Jesse James. after Bullock poured her heart out accepting the Academy Award for Best Actress she went on Oprah and talked about how amazing he is, well, it came out that he’s been cheating on her. with a chick named Michelle Bombshell. creative, i know.
uh…i stand by the title of this entry.
for those of you ridiculous enough to view this site at work…i wouldn’t view this post at work. unless you want awesome + no employment.
Mar 18th
know what’s awesome? yes, Dicktowel.
know what’s awesome-er? Kool Keith doing a song about Dick Towel.
you’re welcome.
What’s with my echo?
Mar 18th
I’m lovin’ the new podcast and the look of the site. I’m excited and I look forward to more goodness!
Lopez
